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Posters on a certain subforum at schizophrenia.com share delusions, paranoia, hallucinations, beliefs, and post about things like the voices they hear all day. I don't know how this subforum got approved as it can't be a good thing for a number of schizophrenics to actually get together and discuss delusions. I can see the cathartic purposes, though, and as a way to rate the value of a certain delusion against other people's reactions to it, though in my experience delusions don't make sense like that and a person is hard-pressed to find help from others in quelling their fictions.

But really, it's just entertainment. Not that I make fun of the people suffering but for me, it's all very interesting. And occasionally something great pops up, like a person's conviction that schizophrenia is a disease of demonic possession, or the western-style schizophrenic cowboy posts of one guy who, apparently, smokes first thing every morning, and that's when he begins the battle in his mind for... uh... his mind.

It is sad to read the ignorance on the forum of people who really need help. I was one of the lucky ones and in a brilliant stroke of luck was hospitalized for a short time which has put an almost hilarious slant on my whole sickness thing, because I have those experiences to basically check everything against. It's hard to explain, but it's almost like I'm completely aware of what's making me psychotic on any given moment, and by proxy almost make a choice to be this way. I'm like the opposite of those ignorant on the forums who suffer every day in confusion about what's making them sick, when I can objectively calm down and think, wow. I used to be delusional. Now I'm just nervous. Things are going to be ok when I get a job, or go to school, or frankly, move out which is something my family doesn't have the courage to let me do. Which is beyond me but that's another story.

So I'm considering instead of going to college this summer, going to a group home for high-functioning schizophrenics. I'm going to try to do this for two reasons. First, to convince my family to finally let me move out, so that I don't have to give them the finger and just fuck off against their will which will probably happen anyway. Second, to avoid a sort of relapse thing. Sure, I'm pretty well now, perhaps psychotically bored, but I'm also on an antipsychotic which I don't intend to keep taking given the long-term risks. Who knows if I'll lose touch with reality again? I mean, it probably won't happen, but I'd like to be barricaded against ever thinking that the television is psychically communicating with me ever again. Not that that wasn't fun.

Just imagine how lucky I am for a moment. I get to, instead of going to college, go to basically what I assume is some type of hippy commune where atypicals go to share their experiences. I get to perfect the art of living and prepare myself for a passionate romp through the rest of my life. And it's paid for. It's just a matter of how long I decide to stay there.

So if you know anybody who is schizophrenic, I really recommend trying to get them into a hospital or some type of group home like the one I'm (probably) going to. If they can't get into a hospital, try to convince them to make up something horrible like suicidal thoughts. I swear I've seen people do it, and considering you can't be admitted to most places without being a danger to yourself or others (I was there involuntarily) it's really worth it if you can convince them to do it. I've read books about people who are really ill and the family basically waits for something bad to happen so that they can hospitalize the person and when something bad happens, it usually is REALLY bad and instead of going to a hospital they go to prison. Not to be a fear monger.

It's really sad because a lot of times just going through the system and doing something pioneering like moving out on your own will basically solve a lot of problems. Also. I am not a health care professional. But I've hired 3.