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Let me try to explain insanity. I've was talking in my note this morning about how I'm low-risk for a few reasons. Like I'm not suicidal or severely depressed, and I have family help. Well, I'm entering a high-risk zone for my mental state during at least the next week, possibly longer. This is because I'm quitting smoking and drinking beer. I've been conditioned for insanity (one problem I face is being too emotional) and can handle the ups-and-downs. It's just that last time I quit smoking, I started talking to myself. And the time before that, was the time I went into a mental hospital. So if you think of my head as a spaceship with a brain inside, I'm more or less entering an asteroid belt. My only wingmen being a few friends, who I will notify tomorrow of my EVEN GREATER future insanity.

It's pretty obvious that my problem is prolonged seclusion and lack of human contact. The fact that socializing over facebook helps me so much is the giveaway. I could flavor what I'm saying by adding in that I've been "brainwashed," "over-exposed" and "living in fear," but like I mentioned in this morning's note, that's just me being biased. For public interaction, I should probably stick to the facts. The self-cleaning function of my social habits has quit working, because I've been completely alone for the past 3 years, since I was 19. Literally having a hard time thinking about my last social event. I mean, it's been great, if insane, for a few reasons, but most of what I have learned about the world or myself will prove to be useless. And because my friends haven't been there to set an example for me (and me for them) I've gotten into the habit of smoking over 2 packs a day, pacing around, being a self-absorbed asshole, etc.

You're probably wondering, how does this note exist? Nobody talks about themselves like that... "KEEP THAT SHIT TO YOURSELF MAN!" you say. However, it really does help. And to answer how this note exists, it's my everlasting sense of humor. If I could illustrate the nature of the satire in this post, I'd have to describe the Empire State Building as my armless marionnette with train stations of sarcasm hurtling engines at the surrounding buildings, like a giant, selfish, ironic, corporate robot. Or something.