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Everything's so complex. There's at least 4 discs of reality playing on me at every turn. Say, I've got some new idea I want to try out, and in attempting it I've slipped off the plane of existence I was given and leaped to a new one. It's the difference between waking and sleeping. I couldn't describe a dream to my waking self, and if I could I might live in a waking dream more often. When I'm a person whose trying to make friends with the neighbors and I decide I want to establish my family as long-term residents here, I have to modify my behavior and in fact, become a completely different person in my mind. If I want to listen to music and plan my future, that's an entirely separate disc.

When spinning plates of reality and jumping from one to another, it's difficult to get a single message across. I often have trouble communicating my true intent, especially when I'm in another reality than whomever I'm communicating with. It's a difficult phenomenon to understand, I know, because I thought it meant I was stupid for a very long time. In fact, I was just sending mixed messages as I switched plates.

If I'm trying to transfer an idea from my own brain into another, I immediately lose credit in the other person's mind if I don't seem utterly focused on that one idea. It makes sense to be focused, and I used to think that a lack of focus was my actual problem. But the real issue was attempting to express complex ideas that only I understood. While I understood them, the other person saw obvious weaknesses in the idea, due to not knowing the full situation. To give them more credit than that, in order to not make them appear to be simpletons, my ideas often only applied to myself. An idea very well might not work at all for them, but given my situation and beliefs, would be perfect for me. Yet I was always denied my stand.

Now that I'm older, I've missed opportunities to express what I want meaningfully, and I'm running out of time to do so. At some point, I'll live in my complex world, perfectly happy, but sharing it with no one. In order to have relationships with people, I really need to hurry in order to express my desires and plans before it becomes impossible to share.

Without further ado, here's a quick rundown of my complexes I'll share to find accomplices in the heady journey I'm beginning.

I want to save the world. This might sound tongue-in-cheek, but it's the easiest way to express an extremely complex idea. I have a few rules to keep this task on my plate. It's stuff like, always stay neutral, never use violence, try to make as many people "happy" as possible, (and I mean happy in general, not just happy with me), and to let the universe decide the outcome of things. I'm not the judge, but nature is. I use the homeostasis of my environment on earth in order to have a level footprint. I don't want to tip the scales in either direction.

My second task is to rise to the highest social status I feel comfortable in. Right now, I'm very poor. It would be simple to create the illusion of wealth for me, given my situation, but as misunderstandings arise, I lose opportunity to get over poverty, and represent a healthy middle class citizen. I mean, I'm destroying relationships and eventually, I'll be stuck here. This makes me sad, knowing I have potential and intelligence to live a different life, but not communicating my difficulties properly in order to change. I'm starting to think I belong at the poverty-line.

I've illustrated already the difficulty in balancing these two realities and goals I have. Being a superhero might require expunging a desire for money, but I desire money in order to maintain a standard of living. But the two don't conflict in my world, because I can balance them. Although, no one really trusts me to do so.

My final complex is one of resisting evil. This is a difficult one to manage and a hard one to express. I want to resist going to the dark side. If I'm a criminal, I want to be a justifiable one. I want to not influence the world negatively, and I don't want the world to influence me. So I often make moral judgements, either of inanimate or animate things. I might not associate my real self with a friend I think has succumbed to evil. Or I might not do drugs in a situation where I think it would be wrong. But this is the most difficult plate to balance. Evil sneaks up on you. You get blindsided by it, and you'll be taken up by it slowly without noticing. Plus, it feels good to descend to that tempting plane of villainy. I approach evil with a huge amount of care. I'm fighting evil.

When I'm fighting evil, the plates are in balance.