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I'm about to broach a subject that's really unbroachable. Most of my experience and thoughts about this subject come from absolute intuition and isn't really backed up by solid facts. So take that as you will. I have a certain attitude of questionability and don't honestly expect you to believe what I say word for word. Hell, this is a note on facebook, not a research paper in a science journal. It comes from a boy who has been there, experienced it, and eventually managed to move past it with the help of his family and pure rural common sense. This is essentially an experiment into turning my "crazy" thoughts into something readable and digestable, and perhaps you'll learn from it.

I know of two mental hospitals, I know certain things about these hospitals, and I know how they differ. One, the one I went to, has an experimental architectural design and employs experimental ways of treating it's patients. The other, St Anthony's, is more serious, traditional, and perhaps more effective. At St. Anthony's you're realistically in a cell, not exactly interacting with other patients, and the experience is more doctor oriented. At the other hospital I'm describing, which is Griffin Memorial Hospital, the doctor experience is minimal and basically amounts to them visiting you once or twice to determine if you should stay. At Griffin, I went to certain classes every day, and St. Anthony's has no such classes. So it's just a different experience at each one, and not all hospital is the same.

The classes focus on things like overcoming addiction, because most of the patients are drug addicts. There were little games, sometimes, where when it was your turn you would have to share something about yourself. I've actually forgotten the subject of most of these classes, as I was somewhat distracted by the bizarro patients around me, but they were mental health oriented and every patient attended them. During this time in my life, I was generally confused anyway. I do remember playing some form of volleyball and the overwhelming feeling was that I was not in control of my body, and that something terrible was about to happen.

Every teacher of these classes was a mental health professional, and they oozed confidence about their subject. They had this attitude where there was a clear distinction between their patients, and them. Naturally, because I think I'm a pretty smart guy, I thought their attitude was deplorable but I now understand it's necessary for them to believe they're a higher class than the patients, because otherwise they wouldn't be able to effectively communicate their message. There is no relation between them and the patients. They "know what the fuck" they're doing and really no patient is going to make them rethink their attitude, no matter what an example that patient sets. They're far along the path of the mental health game, very advanced in their ideas, and very unshakeable in their beliefs. Once again, I fucking hated these people, I hated going to classes, and that couple with crazy hallucinations of zombies and velociraptors made the experience of taking the classes somewhat unbearable.

I also interacted with those "lower" on the chain of treatment professionals, the "guards" and "overseers" in our room. By the way, the experimental design of the building was such that there were 4 large rooms in each building, which housed 20 or so patients, and the patients were allowed to be free within these large rooms. They each had their own bedroom which they would share with one or two other patients. In the room was the medicine dispensary, which we all lined up for twice a day, and the snack room, which was used twice a day, too. There was also a large desk at the entrance of the room which was always occupied, and sometimes workers would come in the room themselves to interact with the patients or observe them. It's these people that I'm going to talk about. The others, the "higher ups," the ones that would teach the classes and the others, the actual MD's, they really are unbroachable. Yes, I'm suggesting they're as crazy as the patients they teach.

The people I'm talking about are the ones that actually give you the medicine. The ones who feed you. The ones who spend their entire workday watching people pace around trying to grapple their psychotic delusions, and ride the bus with you to your classes. These people aren't really educated, but they have experience. Granted, it's not really authoritative experience, but they at least feel they can handle any situation that a patient creates with effectiveness. Keep in mind, I went to an "experimental" type of psychiatric hospital. Experimental in this case essentially means letting the patients do whatever they want and just observing them, and making sure they take their medicine. It's these people who managed that. The doctors barely see you. I honestly think St. Anthony's would have been a better place to go because it would have been more controlled and realistic. Plus it would have been more doctor oriented and less in the hands of these inexperienced workers.

But what I think about, now that I'm two years out of the hospital, is these people. How in the hell do they think they're qualified to treat a schizophrenic person? Since they're uneducated, the whole procedure is kind of off-the-cuff or like, almost tribal or something, I can't think of the exact word to describe it but their entire method comes from experience not education and objectively, the progress of the patient is largely out of their control. I swear, some of them seemed like they were just having fun meeting crazy people and having some responsibility over them.

Have you ever heard the rumor that new doctors are being brainwashed by big pharm interests? Medical school textbooks are written and paid for by big pharm, and the whole process of their education goes hand in hand with the big pharm agenda. Now, I don't think all new doctors are really that heavily influenced by the pharmeceutical industry--I mean, my local doctor has a big note that says he won't prescribe xanax or lortab anymore. But theres definitely this unwritten ideology of big pharm to over-medicate, and I can cite some examples from pharma bloggers that points to this being the case. For instance, one pharma guy made this whole video about how it's a major problem when a patient doesn't take their medicine, and the whole thing was about forcing them to swallow their pills, like that was a major obstacle, even greater than the illness itself. The focus is definitely on medication primarily, and not other treatment options like, for depressed people, therapy or something.

What I'm trying to suggest is not that the doctors are victims of brainwashing, but that the workers that I was talking about are the most vulnerable. I mean, I can't really blame them, if I got a job there, with my original incompetance, I'd probably do the easy thing too and subscribe to the ideas that big pharm and the doctors were pushing out, that is that medication solves all the problems and that there is a great divide between patient and professional. And I can't honestly say that the medication hasn't helped in my case, so they're really not committing any crime by believing what they do. It's just that it's definitely a "weird" scenario, one that defies my own common sense; the result of people trying to solve a very difficult problem, mental illness.

I really want to go back to the hospital sometime, just to experience the phenomenon of what's happening there, again, and to gather my ideas about whats going wrong and whats going right about the procedure.